December 2007

Remember that not getting what you want
is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
- His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Each year at this time, I spend time in healthy self-reflection. This December, I am quite humbled by the manner in which blessings, revelations, and understanding have be revealed to me in the past year. It is the unexpected challenges (or opportunities in disguise) that I am most grateful for. It has been a practical reminder that I have a choice - to resist or force static conditions...or to allow my life to be orchestrated by something much larger than me. Something that always - and in all ways - has my greatest good in store. Don't get me wrong...I know what I want. And I take actions towards that end each day. But what about where I am right now. Is it not paving the way perfectly? Is not the present moment a gift, a desire fulfilled in some way? I respond with an emphatic YES!...even when I am unable to explain how. It's not up to me to solve such Mysteries. Only to learn to live and swim within the vast expanse of the Unknown...and to yield to the scope of a Higher Vantage Point beyond.

Looking for a sign from your brilliance?

Give right of way to your SHiNE this holiday season...

Warm Holiday Blessings,
Candice

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Sabino Canyon, Arizona
November 21, 2007

Yesterday we hiked 10 miles... a journey into Sabino Canyon just outside of Tucson, Arizona. This is by far the best photo taken of Daniel and I on the mountain side. The desert is so majestic and beautiful. It's like walking in another world.

We are here visiting Daniel's family (his Dad's side) for the Thanksgiving holiday. The sunny skies... and the warm, dry air is medicinal to my body and spirit. I forget how much pleasure I feel in the silent pathways along a mountainside... blazing towards the summit. There is a meditation in walking a trail that is unparalleled. The first half hour or so, there is an effort to it. The body, like an engine, warming up and readying itself for the road ahead. Then it happens. The zone in which the body and nature become one... and the mountain seems to move me.

As I was traversing my way down the trail, I noticed my legs feeling that lovely warm, rubbery sensation. I began to pick up speed and hop and skip... up and down... in and out of the miniature mazes created by fallen rock. The subtle muscle fatigue caused me to slip now and then. I did the dance of regaining center each time (something that I secretly relish in). One such time, Daniel was behind me, and he cautioned me with care. Then added playful, "you're so graceful, baby." I smiled... then I heard myself say:

"Grace is in how your recover; it's not about what happens along the way." And as I continued to walk, I contemplated these words and settled upon their truth, for me, at this moment in my journey.

Nature has a mysterious medicine that can be heard with the ears of silence.
Here's to more adventures in Her landscapes!

Once again, I choose the road less traveled.

It seems that the past ten years of my life has been about paving new pathways. My most recent choice - to recommit to a relationship that has experienced so much recent upheaval - is perhaps one of my most courageous endeavors to date. And it is good. I feel a healthy dose of exhilaration traversing the brilliant landscapes of these ever-greater altitudes. For a time, the fog was thick as I navigated the unknown twists and turns - reason would have me take the first exit as my light continually bounced back at me with a blinding force, daring me to look my own reflection in the face. Nevertheless, I made the choice to move forth with my course set for an unknown destination. And may I be so bold as to say that I am the better for it.

In the aftermath of disaster comes the opportunity to begin again. Sometimes, a new path is in order. Yet, quite often in relationship we are invited to stay our course along a more conscious trajectory.

I am learning to experience true intimacy as many small deaths of self in the Divine Mirror of partnership. If we are willing to look directly at the co-created offsprings of our union, more of ourselves can be revealed to us. In essence, two people willing to meet the gaze of one another fully - even if once their eyes once flitted to and fro with fear - have the sudden potential to experience a communion of love unparalleled.

It is human nature to flea from vulnerability. Most relationships reach many critical points - those pivotal crossroads that are inevitable when two hearts are sharing a path, each with unique desires. And so emerges the opportunity to learn how to truly love and grow in the company of another. In some cases, in a time of crisis, one or both parties may be unwilling to self-reflect... to peer beneath the surface in order to rise above the drama of circumstance. Sometimes the pain of the moment is so debilitating - especially when old traumas are triggered by the choices of someone whom we love - that to stay is to face an inner demon for whom we are unprepared to wage war. In these times, sudden splits occur. Yet certainly too, there are times when an experience is there to unearth an incompatibility that requests that a relationship shifts, changes form in an organic fashion. It is the wise and practiced partnership that can navigate such shifts with grace and open hearts.

I have felt the tug of both realties in the past few months... yet have somehow landed in a space in between. Gazing around at the sea of destruction all around me, I see opportunity. And I feel tremendous gratitude. My partnership is brand new... it has been devastated in order to be RESET by a force much larger than the both of us. In the aftermath of calamity we have been able to discover one another brand new. Once the story line of our distant hearts dissolved... all that was left was a wondrous sea to explore - how did we lose sight of one another?

As much as I feared what it meant to re-enter such a space of vulnerability, I feel met by a wise force of forgiveness and grace that is neither naive or weak-hearted. In fact, it is the most empowering love I have every known. It says, I will not run from this heart of mine. I face its journey with willingness.

May I continue to surrender to this path of love that reveals me to be more than I once was.

Tags: forgiveness, grace, relationships

My apologize for the singular focus of late. I have shared much in this blog, as my feminine has been guiding the journey of awakening through a transitioning with another. I have practiced bringing peace, heart space, and understanding to myself and my relationship. And, it seems that recent embodiment of radiant feminine love has caught the interest of someone who sees my potential... who showers me with the potent force of his integrity and commitment to serve my highest good.

Today, I was swept off my feet into the arms of love. I fell into the embrace of a exceptionally powerful lover that sees me as the sacred gift that I am. This Beloved He pulled me close to him with such a force, it took my breath away! His aim, he said... to protect me from myself. I have attracted the masculine love of my dreams... and it comes from within. It is a love that dares my divine feminine to accept nothing less than its equal. The Beloved She within me (radiant love) has met, enchanted, and wed The Beloved He within me (trusted direction). I am the child reborn of their union.

It happened when I caught myself - quite literally - looking around the space of my life, once again asking the question: Why am I not being cherished and honored as the sacred gift that I am?

I know that our physical world is but a reflection of our inner reality. And so... I turned the mirror inward. I called a dear friend by phone who always delivers the truth. This elder woman was a tour guide on a journey within my own energetic field and its recent consequences. The results of my recent actions was undeniable. I have spent tremendous energy taking care of my partner, of the relationship, and of outer circumstances. Yet who was taking care of me?

It was then that a masculine force within swept me up in a proclamation:
"It is you who does not honor your beauty. It is you who must cherish you. It is you that must enter a sacred covenant without exception. And it is I who will show you how."

The Beloved He immediately began to guide me from within to take steps to nurture myself... drawing healthy boundaries around my body, my heart, and my physical space. With commitment and diligent understanding, He stands nearby as I tenderly landscape the perimeters of the sacred temple that is me. I am choosing to entertain thoughts, actions, and relationships that greet my heart with reverence. And through the gates of my self-love, only energies that meet the highest standards of love shall pass.

Thank you to Kali Rose for an illuminating reading today that shed light on my path. Thank you to Gail - my soul sister of truth - who reminded me what it is to love myself through my choices. And thank you to The Beloved He who embraced me with the force of the love that I deserve, so that I might claim it now.

Tags: the beloved, relationships, life coaching

It's been less than three hours since my last post. Nevertheless, I feel called to reach out once again. It was as if writing about The Beloved immediately penetrated my heart... blasting me apart with Its force.

I felt grounded and composed after I wrote. Yet only minutes later, while in the shower, I was suddenly bombarded by a surge of energy in my body. My mind was having its way with me, taking me on many unhealthy journeys of the imagination. Suddenly, I was emotionally charged... not feeling too good, mind you. I got out of the shower, only to realize that I was quite late for an appointment with my herbalist and healer.

I rushed out of the house... wet-headed and anxious... to meet him. When I arrived, I was in an overwhelming state of suffering. The Beloved had indeed entered my heart... and in doing so it pushed emotional buffers to the surface. It was forced surrender... I was miserable in my vulnerability... raw and humble with an open wound visible for all to see. And this kind and compassionate man... Kyle Cline, who is a healer in every sense of the word... took my pulse, noted the tension, then held space for my release. His primary prescription... a hug.

I cried. I sobbed. And I choked on my own breath. I purged the emotion that strangled me... and tore down a stoic facade. I felt healing happen. He kept telling me how great I was doing... and reminding me of who I am.

He didn't allow me to stuff it. When I thought I was done, he would look into my eyes... and invite the truth. It still hurt, and I needed to cry through to the other side of the pain.

And only ten minutes later, Kyle checked my pulses... and my heartbeat had found its peaceful flow once more. ALL of this... the bounty of release... I am grateful for. The dams that burst forth inside my heart were there to hold in the pain. The Beloved had entered and blew them down as though they were just a measureless piece of the wind itself. (And it was my willingness to let the breezes whip through without the need to personalize or understand that enabled true release to happen. For how can we release something that we are holding onto via a story within?)

I share all of this as a reminder to us all. When The Beloved is invited, It enters. It will do what is needed to liberate the heart that longs for Its undivided attention.

And so at times, illumination can feel like a light so piercing that it brings us to our knees, wincing in pain. Nevertheless, when our eyes do eventually re-adjust to the light, we look around to find ourself resting in the center - just as the little "i" relates to unleashing SHiNE - and the pain is remembered as a flood of grace that left the landscapes of our heart ever-changed.

Through releasing my pain, I am washed clean.

Tags: the beloved, healing, heartbreak